Facebook Talk

Put the children to bed and grab a hardhat people, because we’re about to venture into a cave full of crazy.

Name: Carey “Bear” Bock
Email: golfgrizzly@gmail.com
Message: DON’T KNOW HOW TO CONTACT TECH SUPPORT!!! COULD YOU PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT THERE E-MAIL IS, OR FOWRWARD THIS MESSAGE TO THEM,THANKS:

WHY DID YOU DISABLE MY ACCOUNT?????? This link is the only way I could find to communicate with you….My name IS Carey Bock!!!!!!! My phone # is (705) 206-2036….Contact me ASAP….You’re basically accusing me of identitiy theft…If you don’t either call me, or reinstate my account….I’m going to sue you for false accusation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you want me to fax, or provide proof of photo identification - I can…..How did you come to think the name I used was a fake?????? You should be more careful where you get your info!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I don’t get a phone call, or an e-mail stating my account has been reinstated by July 18, 2008…I will proceed with legal lawsiut againt facebook for false accusation!!!!!

Goob: No, I will not forward your e-mail to Facebook. Instead, I will make fun of you and include you in the next round of Facebook Idiot posts.

Hahaha, wow, you’re going to sue Facebook for false accusations? Oh man, let me know how to turns out for you. That makes about as much sense as me suing you for false intelligence. What does that mean? Who the hell knows, but I can tell you I wouldn’t win a damn thing.

Carey: Sorry about the outburst…was just pissed off. Maybe, then, you can just tell me, why they deactivated my account without attempting to verify my identity by contacting me first???? I would think they would at least attempt to contact me!!!

Goob: There are what, a bazillion people on Facebook? I’m sure they deactivate thousands of accounts every day. They could care less about verifying your information. Create a new account and start all over, because no matter how long you wait or e-mails you send, that old account of yours is never coming back.

Carey: And, can you tell me who I can contact about my account deactivation…an e-mail, or something???

later that day…

Carey: OK - but is there anyway to guarantee they won’t deactivate my account again if I re-open using the same e-mail address?? I’m sure there’s probably some sort of flag on it, or something. Because it took quite a bit of time to get the friends list that I had together. And, would appreciate it if you didn’t out me on the idot posts, seen as how I am a real person.

Goob: Trust me, everybody on the Facebook Idiots page is a real person. That’s half of the appeal.

At this point, it’s July 15 and our e-mail exchange stopped. Since the bear-sized Carey had shown a small smidgen of remorse, I decided not to post all of this. Then out of the blue and unprovoked, I get an e-mail today…

Carey: Hey “GOOB” Guess what!!! they reactivated my account….goes to show what you know don’t it!!! The Facebook support lady was real nice - they actually use their real names. I reported your unprofessional remarks to them as well, and recommended to them that they keep a close eye on people like you, who are claiming to represent their site, and are doing so very unprofesionally. Put that on your idiot posts, you knob!!!!!!

Your wish is my command.

How about we look at this claim that I pretend to be Facebook, shall we? I state at the bottom of this site that FacebookTalk isn’t Facebook. I’ve stated it on various posts as well. I EVEN STATE IT ON THE EFFING CONTACT PAGE RIGHT ABOVE WHERE EACH AND EVERY IDIOT SENDS ME THEIR MORONIC POST! And don’t even get me started on how the domain names are different and this site looks nothing like Facebook…

Some people think I should have sympathy for idiots like Carey. I think those people are morons. But at least they don’t e-mail me and ask for my ridicule.

I’m posting this for three reasons: Greg was a good sport, he padded my ego, and I worked in a joke about punching somebody in the crotch. That’s what I call a Trifecta.

Name: Greg [edit]
Email: [edit]@coastal.edu
Message: My roommate sayd he put me down as head of a network and now when I sign on under my name and password a totally different account comes up. The thing is I’m still getting emails about friend requests and messages. I was hoping I could speak with someone that could straighten everything out so my account is back to normal. Thanks!

Goob: Greg, I’ve got just the solution for you. Grab a baseball bat, introduce it to your roommates crotch, and demand he fix whatever he screwed up in the first place.

This solution also works for finding out who drank the last of your milk, convincing him to pay up for last month’s share of the electricity bill, and making any random Tuesday entertaining.

Greg: Your a funny guy Goob. I glanced at your site and some of these people are pretty stupid. Anyways, if you have any other suggestions that may actually be helpful let me know. Otherwise…keep up the good work. Thanks man!!

I love how I’m blamed for Google putting Facebook Talk at their number one spot for “Alistair Gowland.” Yeah, I totally had a hand in that one!

Name: fred
Email: helspil@yahoo.co.uk
Message: Ok,so you don’t work for Facebook, but getting your kicks out of coming up with a similar name and ridiculing people who use the website and are being abused must be hilarous-aren’t you clever!!!

Slagging someone off and putting personal information about them i.e their mobile phone number on a website then tagging it to come top in a search engine when they work for the English police force might not be so clever after all- will enjoy taking you to court !

Goob: You’re gonna take me to court? Like on a date? Sweet, when can we go?

Oh God, I don’t have anything to wear though. You gotta look fine for a date! Is this even a date? If he holds the door open for me and lets me walk through the metal detector first, then it’s totally a date. I wonder how far I should go. Oh man, what if he wants to go all the way?! I’m not even gay, what’ll I do?! Ok, set some boundaries, Goob. I’ll hold hands, that’s cool. Maybe even a little tongue action, but THAT’S IT! Oh crap, WHAT AM I GONNA WEAR?!

….Oh, you’re still here? Sorry about that. I didn’t realize I was typing out my internal monologue. Geez, I’m not clever at all!

Error: This message was created automatically by mail delivery software. A message that you sent could not be delivered to one or more of its recipients. This is a permanent error.

Wow. Sending an anonymous e-mail filled with threats and insults and then using a fake e-mail so that criticism cannot be retorted. What courage!

Next on “fred’s” agenda is punching a puppy for looking at him followed by kicking a small child and throwing his ice cream cone to the ground. Why? Who cares, Mr. Big Man Fred does whatever he wants!

The moron who sent me the message below has set a new record for stupidity. Not only did he contact the wrong person, threaten the wrong website, and whine about a problem that any competent adult could solve, but he didn’t type his e-mail in correctly.

So even if he had managed to get in contact with Facebook, they wouldn’t have been able to respond to him with a solution. Kudos, my friend.

Name: Alistair Gowland
Email: alistair.gowland@met.police.pnn.uk
Message: I need to talk to someone regarding copying of facebook personal details and sending false message by public electronic communication network to cause annoyance / inconvenience / anxiety.

This has occured to both myself and my ex wife causing us both unnecessary stress on our realtanship. We have a young baby and these messages are making reference to things only very few people know about.

This person is on facebook under two different names and attempts to have themn thrown off by yourself have proved unsucessful. I am aware the task is very difficult but i dont want to have to make an offical complaint that gets investigated if you are able to help me first.

please contact me on 07841196427

Goob: You know, for a police officer, you’re kind of stupid. No wonder they don’t allow you guys to carry guns over there.

This message was created automatically by mail delivery software. A message that you sent could not be delivered to one or more of its recipients. This is a permanent error. The mail server could not deliver mail to alistair.gowland@met.police.pnn.uk. The account or domain may not exist, they may be blacklisted, or missing the proper dns entries.

*clap, clap, clap* - Let this be a lesson to anybody thinking of traveling or moving to England. If you do, pray that you’re never a victim of any crime, because it’ll never be solved.

I absolutely LOVE people who act as if having a Facebook account is a right guaranteed to them in the Constitution. These are the type of people who can’t name all three branches of the government and only know Iraq as something they’d say at the local pool hall.

I’d fear a lawyer from a person like this about as much as I’d respect a doctor with a degree from Phoenix University. He’d be on my Scared List right between a sunflower and a giggling baby.

Name: andrew hochheimer
Email: tarzan_55@hotmail.com
Message: i demand to know why you disabled my account.as we speak i am getting my lawyer to file a claim against your company.to avoid this please let me in my facebook. you have no right

Goob: I hope your lawyer types better than you do, because my eyes started bleeding as I tried to read your pathetic excuse of an e-mail.

I love how Oliver starts his letter off with “Dear Sirs.” I feel that means he wanted more than me to read it and thus I’m sharing.

Name: oliver bernstein
Email: ollieb_99@hotmail.com
Message: Dear Sirs,

I am writing to request the removal of Mike Gorst’s video, “attack on bert, round 3″. i have contacted Mike Gorst with no luck and i feel that this video is bullying and has affected me since its publication on facebook. this video is not what facebook is about and is pure bullying.

I expect this to be carried out as as soon as possible, or this matter will have to be taken further. thanks

Goob: Go ahead and take it further. How much further can we go? 10 feet? A mile? To the MOON?!? I call dibs on the cheese.

Oliver: thanks for the help.

No problem, Oliver. I’ll see ya up there!

There’s dumb, there’s stupid, and then there’s Julia.

At least she recognizes my inheritance genius.

Name: Julia
Email: rattleruf@hotmail.com
Message: Hi there!

I’ve been unsuccessful in finding out how to block myself from seeing the profile page of one of my friends. I don’t want to add him to my blocked list, because I want him to still be able to see my page…I just want to block myself from seeing his. Any ideas on how I would accomplish this?

Goob: Hold on, you want to block YOURSELF from seeing HIS page? Wow. Okay. How about just not going to his page anymore? It’s called will power.

Jen: Wow. Okay. You’re a genius.

How are people like this still allowed on the Internet? Shouldn’t evolution have taken care of them by now?