Facebook Talk

Dear Facebook,

Hey there, old friend, it’s Goob. Remember me? I’m that guy who signed up with you way back when you were just a local Harvard experiment. I stood by you, through thick and thin, even deciding to open up a website in support of you when all those mean anti-news feed people were attacking you. Long story short, I think I’ve earned a little favor from your neck of the woods.

Well it time for me to curry that favor. Please, for the love of all that is Holy, fix your Gods damned auto-banning feature. Seriously, if I get one more e-mail asking why some highschool nerd had his account deleted when all he was doing was secretly poking the head cheerleader, I’m likely to go on a ten state killing spree. If another British person e-mails me asking why their account was deleted when they were posting on their friend’s wall, I swear I will spend the rest of my life trying to get the US and Britain in an all out nuclear war. It’ll be worth the collateral causalities just for the revenge factor alone. The least you could do is fix the site BEFORE you send your vice president of marketing and operations out to tout how awesome you are to potential investors.

You’re like the hot chick that I fell in love with before she discovered the glory of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. Come on, Facebook, you’re better than this. I know you’re stealing top programmers left and right from the likes of Google and Microsoft. Can you not spare one guy to sift through your code and figure out why so many people are being banned for no reason? Heck, better yet, just hire some bum for a fraction of the cost (where do I send my resume?) to do some basic freaking tech support and reinstate all the innocents who were banned!

I know you’ve got it in you, Facebook. Let’s see this happen.

Goob