Facebook Talk

Facebook, I need your help. I like to drink. There’s no real shocking or Earth-shattering news there. But what you don’t already know is that I like to get on Facebook when I’ve had a little too much delicious alcohol. There, I said it. I’m a Drunk Facebooker.

Now, short of implementing some breathalyser test before people can log onto Facebook, there’s not much that can stop me from destroying every shred of dignity I have left once I get the brilliant idea in my head that it’s a great time to get on Facebook after 10 Tequila shots! First, you’ve got the obligatory drunken wall posts. That’s just an absolute given. In fact, I’ll probably spent an hour making three drunken wall posts.

But then we move onto the more complicated matters. Like leaving a Facebook group and putting down a horribly stupid reason why. Who even does stuff like that? Oh yeah, drunk people. Very drunk people.

But you know what? It’s all good. Because when you wake up the next morning, it doesn’t take long to stroll through your browser history and see all the drunken comments you left on people’s walls. Or to look in your news feed and see all the stupid things you shouted out to everybody. And with just a few clicks of your mouse, you can make them all go away, as if they never happened. Ahh….

But wait! Suddenly you notice that you visited your old high school girlfriend’s profile. And after that, you went to the profile of that smoking hot chick in your chemistry class that you never talk to. And is that your History professor’s profile next on the list? And suddenly you vaguely remember adding them all as your friend and accompanying each request with a “hilarious” personal message explaining to them why you should totally hook up. And yes, that even goes for your professor.

In short, Facebook, help a brother out and make it so that we can rescind a friends request! There’s no reason that request should just float out there forever, even indefinitely if the receiving party decides to not answer it so that they can look at it and laugh whenever they want. Us alcoholics are pleading with you, Facebook! Do something to help us avoid living in eternal shame!

This goes further than Drunk Facebooking though. What if you send a friend request to Jim Smith only to quickly realize that’s not the Mr. J. Smith you happen to know. Should you really have to wait until he signs on, sees it, and starts messaging you asking who you are and how you know him? Wouldn’t it make more sense to be able to decline it on your own?

Call me crazy, but I think this would be a great additional feature to Facebook.

Facebook, drunk facebook, drunk facebooking